


Under Pressure

by RonniRotten



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Anger, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders as Depression, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders has Intrusive Thoughts, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders Are Twins, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders as Pride, Crying, D wants some royal D but can't get any, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders as Ingenuity, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders has Intrusive Thoughts, Deceit | Janus Sanders as Indulgence, Depression, Flirting, Imprisonment, Innuendo, Intrusive Thoughts, King Creativity, M/M, Minor Violence, Morality | Patton Sanders as Emotions, Multi, Portal References, Suggestive Themes, Unsympathetic Logic | Logan Sanders
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-25
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:35:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 10,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27172534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RonniRotten/pseuds/RonniRotten
Summary: When something goes amiss in the mindscape, and one side gets hit, they all get hit hard. When most of the sides get trapped and fall into their secondary roles, it takes an unlikely hero to get everyone back to normal. It's a good thing Remus still knows how to get creative!Green is a creative color, fight me
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders
Comments: 68
Kudos: 104





	1. Ingenuity

Remus was bored! He couldn’t create like he normally would trapped here. He understood why he was stuck, he caused problems on purpose, but this was far from his usual grounding. These four stone walls were covered in paint splatters, weeks worth of colors to brighten the dull space, and his exit was a trapdoor overhead. He just had to get out.

_Silence._   
_Silence._

_Gone. They were gone._

Getting trapped in the first place was the first mistake. Thomas was behind on work and he needed to jump into a rigorous schedule to get back on track. There was no room for intrusive thoughts, random song sequences, or gory fun. Logan tricked him into visiting the King’s old castle just outside the Imagination. Logan was the one who removed the ladder to the dungeon and cut him off from his source of power. It was for Thomas’ own good, and Remus initially respected that.

_"Slice that nerd into pastrami!"_   
_A grizzly image_   
_"Where have you been?"_   
_"More weight!"_   
_An image of a man being crushed by stones, Giles Corey._

_Nope! They were still there._

But it had been weeks of boredom! He couldn’t conjure much aside from food and clothes and he had so much energy that made those horrible thoughts more obnoxious, more gruesome. And then he started looking for a way out, and the thoughts came in much more slowly and far more quietly. 

Sitting on his cot, Remus carefully tore apart his sheets, making long, thick ribbons. His favorite shirt, the one with the high collar, was torn up into strips for the most part. The collar itself was bent and warped, the metal wires used to give it its shape stuck out and were bent like a grappling hook. This was his best chance at escaping, a wildly simple and brilliant plan if you asked Remus. 

_Silence._   
_Silence._

If you didn’t ask Remus, too bad, it was indeed brilliant and he had to finish this last piece. He tied the sheets together, making sure to tie a few extra anchoring knots for his assent. The trap door was at least two stories up, and the ring on the door handle was small, but dangling enticingly. He had a good aim and was strong enough to pull it open.

"There! This bitch is longer than my intestines! I'm outta here!" Remus cheered and got on the floor next to an odd contraption. It was just an upside-down bar stool with a resistance band tied around the legs, crossing in the middle. In the center of the cross there was a hole with an empty soda can with the top torn off.

Remus placed the end of the make-shift hook inside the can and carefully positioned it, holding it in place by carefully wrapping the rope around it as best he could. 

With one last glance around his temporary prison, Remus brushed his long hair back with his hand, moved his device into place, and pulled the can down as far as he could. He closed one eye and stuck out his tongue as he aimed and let the tension build. He always had a knack for building and releasing tension.

"It's too quiet around here! My mind is quiet and I don't like it! Time to make some noise!" he cheered and let go.

The hook shot up, flying out of the can. The rope twirled in the air as the hook ascended. Remus watched with bated breath. 

This had to work.

He had to get out. 

_**Clink** _

The rope swayed and dangled, staying attached to the door. Remus looked up and grinned wildly. He hit his mark perfectly! 

He would be back and back to his old demented self! The horrible thoughts and ideas he hated but grew fond of would be plaguing him more regularly! And then he would be the plague, causing problems on purpose! For them all, but especially the one who got him stuck in the first place.

"Watch out IBM! A dukey is dropping in!" he laughed and tugged on the rope, a nice hard tug, and the door fell open. 

"But first—" he grunted and started climbing the rope. He was really impressed with his own knot tying skills, this shit was sturdy! It was his inner pirate showing, which made him happy enough to wiggle. Pirates were sexy and gruesome! 

But probably not nearly as gruesome as his return would be! A musical number wouldn't be enough and the other sides who didn't bother looking for him deserved the full spectacle! They were going to get it! The blood, gore, sex, and taboo he would spew would be just the things to make sure they knew they couldn't be rid of him!

He climbed into an empty hallway, and slammed the door shut. The others were in for a nasty surprise!

But then something caught his attention. That smell. Dior Homme. Something was going on and he was going to find out what it was. He followed that luxurious scent down the stone hallway, confused and curious, and maybe a little bit scared. The mindscape had to be imbalanced worse than he initially thought.


	2. Indulgence

Janus hummed softly to the Strauss music playing in the background. He was lounging in the bath in his own little cage, but that didn't matter much. He was spoiling himself like he deserved. 

He initially told himself it was just self-care. It was just his way of making himself ready to break out and continue to scold Logan for locking Remus up and then anyone who wanted to find him. It was his job to repress the sides after all, not Logic's. Of course deception and trickery were also his job and the nerd seemed to manage those just fine without him!

He scoffed at his own thoughts and plucked a piece of chocolate from the box on the counter next to him. Amedei Porcelana. It might have been the most expensive chocolate he could conjure, but he was worth it! 

The plush towels waiting for him and elegant chandelier hanging overhead could make him forget that he was imprisoned here. The luxury could make him forget, or make him choose to forget, that he was supposed to be helping Thomas and looking for the others. 

He was fine with his situation—all the luxury in the world was at his beckoning call and he didn't have to fret over the other sides like a mother hen. So what if his scales were no longer their classic olive color? The rust-colored scales with black circles were far more beautiful, especially in the right light. He always did like the rainbow boa's scales. 

The music changed from the Blue Danube to Danse Macabre and soured Janus' tranquility. The harsh violin that faded into a whimsical melody reminded him that he really should have been searching for the others, at least Remus. But the water was warm and he was pampering himself, they could wait a little bit longer. He could indulge himself more.

"Janicus! Jay!" Remus' voice cut through the fog, making Janus wince. He plucked another chocolate from the box and popped it in his mouth. He wouldn’t have to go find Remus anymore. 

Remus burst into the bathroom, slamming the door against the wall. He paused to take in the lush decor—gossamer curtains lining the walls, scented candles flickering on odd surfaces, and one snake hidden in a mountain of bubbles. 

"Oh there you are! I thought you might be chained up and starved or cut open with your intestines hanging out!" Remus beamed and put his hands on his hips, "But I'm happy to find you're just bathing!" 

Janus paused, drinking in the sight before him. Remus always wore tight pants, the second tightest in the mindscape, leaving very little to the imagination. Not to mention his wild mane that reached his broad shoulders and that he was shirtless. With a firm, toned torso like that and those curls of body hair elegantly placed on him, Remus looked like the perfect kind of... personal indulgence. 

"I'm quite pleased you found me in such a position too. There's plenty of room if you care to join me. I'd be interested in anything you want to do with me," Janus purred and leaned against the edge of the tub, arching slightly to show more of his bare torso, littered with patches of reddish scales. 

"How about you tell me what happened to get you here," Remus taunted, put off by Janus' forwardness. 

"You expect me to focus on the hell of losing the others and being Logan's last victim when you're standing there looking as appealing as you are?" Jan scoffed and ran his hand through his hair, letting it land on his shoulder and ghost over his chest. 

"Yeah. Are you alright, Jay?" Remus pouted and let his arms dangle at his sides, "I know I'm not, I would have already pulled you out and gotten frisky if I were feeling like me, but that doesn't explain you being weird and overly horny. How long have you been stuck?" 

"Hm, about two and a half weeks. Three weeks with no company, no conversation, no touch."

"So the others are around here somewhere?" Remus asked eagerly and clasped his hands in front of him like an excited kid, drawing Janus' eyes to his arms. It was a ploy to distract him from the strain in the duke's grin.

"Most likely, but why focus on them when I can make you feel like a king, as long as you treat me like a treasure," he winked and blew a kiss. Remus scrunched up his nose and shook his head. 

"Put some clothes on and help me find them first," he countered firmly, making Janus shiver. That was not what Remus wanted to happen but he made his point so he was perfectly fine with glaring until Jay got the picture.

"I'd rather stay here," Janus sighed and sank back into the bubbles, "But do come back. My offer is open." 

Remus snorted and waved him off before leaving him to his business. In the main room, it was just as lavish as the en suite. A king-size bed, gold curtains, pillows galore, and the finest things imaginable greeted Remus. It was elegant with tacky baroque furniture and wall decorations. He didn't like it, it was far too much for Janus' usual tastes, Victorian goth.

He conjured a skeleton key, finally feeling the tingling sensation of creation coming back to him and sighed at the silence in his head. It was abundantly clear that the issue with Logan wasn't limited to him, or the so-called dark sides, and Thomas was in trouble. 

He hated to leave Jay like this, but he had to find the other trapped sides for Thomas' sake. It was a good thing he was a diamond when the pressure went up. And his first quest was to find the only side even close to him when the heat was on! He had to find that corundum geode and fix this.


	3. Pride

The king was a funny fellow, putting his sleeping chambers on the ground floor of his castle. Roman could have sworn he was smarter as a kid but he was only a child, still fused with Remus. He should have been smarter as an adult. He was a complete fool for searching alone.

He paced back and forth in front of the bed, deep in thought. Every time he turned around his waist-length cape swished with the movement, like a peacock's tail. He found it tucked away in the king's dresser, along with the black and gold jacket he was wearing. The king planned to stay whole for quite some time, enchanting his favorite clothes to always fit. Then the stress got worse and Thomas needed him to split. 

And Thomas needed Roman, now more than ever. His work involved creativity and there was no side more fit to handle that role than the prince. Remus' brand was too grotesque and his execution was sloppy. Thomas needed the best and the best was trapped like a lion in a zoo!

How dare Logan trick him! The foolhardy nerd had no idea what to do for the next videos or how to execute them properly! He was unfit to wield so much control! First Remus, then Virgil—Roman had to get out and make the tyrannical teacher his student—for a lesson he should never forget! 

Roman seethed, stopping at the vanity mirror. He paid no mind to the odd sounds coming from the door as he adjusted his outfit and hair—a prince has got to slay, even though he felt more like a king, ready for battle and to lead his army to victory. He picked up the crown sitting on the vanity and added the final touch to his outfit. 

"Damn the bastard really went and put twenty different locks on that door!" Remus laughed and entered the room, leaving a shoe in the doorway to keep it from closing. Roman spun on his heels and glared at him. 

"Remus," he greeted coldly, "Where is your shirt and what is your hair?" 

"Hello to you too!" Remus scoffed, "You're welcome by the way, it's not like I just gave you a way out of here!" 

"Remus while I appreciate your assistance I could have handled it myself. Now you will put on a shirt before I speak to you again. I don't want to see that much of you." 

"Huffy!" Remus grumbled and went to the dresser. He knew this was the king's old room and that he had enchanted clothes. He pulled out a billowy shirt and a dark green sash. The kid had two distinct styles–royal and peasantry. Remus pulled the shirt on and tied the sash around his hips to keep it in place rather than draping it over his shoulder.

"Better?" Remus asked, holding his arms out for inspection. Roman nodded. 

"So you escaped. I take it your ingenuity shone in the darkness. I could have escaped in half the time you took." 

"Sure Ro," Remus pouted and lowered his arms, "I don't have the energy to argue. Jay isn't telling me shit and I need to know what the hell is going on." 

"Logan snapped because we were behind schedule by about a week. He tried to get a handle on things by getting rid of you but that shifted the mindscape dynamic. Virgil became a hindrance with his anxiety and he was the next to get trapped. Then I confronted him looking for the both of you and wound up here," Roman hummed and scoured the vanity for a hair tie for his brother. 

"Well Jay told me that he has everyone trapped. I'm trying to get everyone out so we can get back to our shit, and Jay's not himself and I need someone to convince him to get moving." 

"The absolute fiend!" Roman snarled and grabbed a hairbrush, "We must rescue the others posthaste!—after you fix your hair." He tossed Remus the brush and a hair tie and stepped away from the mirror. 

"Geez, when did you get so anal about my appearance?" Remus grumbled and brushed his hair, coiffing it neatly in the front before tying the back in a low ponytail. 

"It's important to be proud of your own appearance, and since we are twins, your appearance is a reflection on mine, and I refuse to be associated with such low brow grooming!" Roman huffed and crossed his arms. 

"I came to save your ass after I made my escape without any help at all, you could be proud of me for being so resourceful," Remus countered and adjusted his bangs, "Getting out of there was worse than giving a rabid kelpie a c-section on a Friday under a full moon! The dungeon is a bitch!" 

Roman sighed and relaxed his shoulders, "You escaped the dungeon of all places? Only a brother of mine would be so clever!" He clapped Remus on the shoulder and grinned. 

"Our next task should be to find our emo. He is the best alarm we have, and having someone more analytical if Janus is out of commission is important. We need the emo to get the puffball to get Janus." 

"If they haven't been corrupted that might work," Remus mused, "Any idea where Danny Sidebangs might be?" 

"I did have one lead—"


	4. Depression

The bruises on his knuckles were fading from blue to yellow. He would have laughed at that—he'd been here long enough for them to heal. He would have laughed if he could bring himself to feel anything without making his mind worse. 

As he lay on the drawing room couch, Virgil stared at the heavy oak door blocking him from doing his work, the job he hated, but he knew he was needed. Thomas needed his anxiety. Maybe Virgil was better off here. At least while he was here he wouldn't be able to mess up or make the thoughts real. They were just bad ideas, not his reality. They were fears that didn't have to be realized, ever.

Time was an illusion, and he lost track of it. He could clearly remember when he got trapped, his reaction, and then his crash, but he couldn't tell the amount of time between each of them. He didn't like to remember…

_Idiot_

It had been a while since he had heard from Remus, and he had been getting worried. It had to have been obvious, he had been more distressed and anxious than usual, biting his thumb nail more, being unable to sit still. Logan had offered to help him search the inactive part of the imagination. He should have realized. 

_He was going to lock you away and leave you to rot_

_A gruesome image of his own frail corpse on the floor_

Virgil winced as his eyes watered. He was so stupid! He should have realized something wasn't quite right—Logan hated the Imagination and avoided it like Virge avoided people. But fear clouds the mind. 

He had been afraid. 

He was afraid. 

He was tired. 

_An image of the others on the floor and bleeding out around him. Logan holding the knife._

The walls stopped closing in around him. They were as dormant as he was. He didn't need the walls to crush him. The weight of his failings, his sins on his back, was enough to make his body lead. 

"He has to be in here!" 

Virgil blinked, certain he was just hearing things again. The solitude could do horrible things to a mind. No one was out there looking for him.

_Remus' naked body covered in deep scratches and holding his smiling head._

"Step aside, birdbrain!" 

Virgil shut his eyes and hissed as light poured into his little hell hole. 

"You were right!" Remus laughed and approached the couch cautiously. Roman smirked to himself and waited in the doorway to keep it open. Virgil blinked and tried to make sense of everything. 

"Hey there Scare Bear," Remus said softly and knelt beside him. 

"Remus?" the emo questioned as his vision went blurry. 

"The one and only! And Roman's here too. We're getting you out of here." 

"You shouldn't be saving me, I was supposed to rescue you," Virgil sighed, "I failed and I—I deserve this." 

"No you don't," Remus pouted, "You were the first one to make an effort to look for me and I am so grateful that you tried." 

"And failed. You should get out of here. I should be suffering." 

"If you failed Remus, why do you think you get to choose your punishment?" Roman scoffed. Remus shot him a dirty look, to which he simply shrugged. 

"What?" Virge questioned and looked at him expectantly. 

"All I'm saying is that the person you failed should decide how you suffer. It's just common courtesy!" 

Remus took a moment to let those words sink in. He smirked and nodded in agreement. 

"Yeah, I should be the one who picks your punishment. And I want to personally make sure you get what you deserve," he mused, "So you have to get up and come with us!" 

"I—" Virgil winced and tried to get himself to his feet. It was a struggle just to sit up. Roman rolled his eyes and groaned. 

"Today, Anxiety!" 

"I'm so tired," the pathetic shell of a man sighed and wilted. Remus wiggled his mustache in thought. 

"I'll carry you. Can you hang on to my shoulders and piggyback or do I get to sweep you up like Buttercup?" 

"Buttercup?" the emo frowned, his question sounding more like a statement. Remus grinned and scooped him up bridal-style. He curled into himself while Remus stood and practically skipped to the door.

"Can we go find Patton now?" Roman groaned, "I have to exact my vengeance on a nerd!" 

"You're just jealous because I'm being heroic and I'm carrying a fallen angel!" Remus laughed. Roman scoffed and stepped aside, letting Remus carry his precious cargo into the hallway. 

"I'm not," Virgil grumbled. 

"No, you most certainly are not," Roman huffed, "now let's move on. I don't have any patience for your self-beration!" He marched ahead of Remus, his cape fluttering behind him like a fiery tail. 

"I disagree," Remus said softly, "You were the only one who gave a damn to look for me. Jay is used to me getting lost in the Imagination but you had your gut feeling and you acted on it. If it weren't for you, no one would ever look for me." 

"It wasn't a gut feeling," Virge grumbled, "How do you deal with them constantly?" 

"The intrusive thoughts? You're dealing with them now?" Remus asked quietly as he followed Roman, "Or the random flashes of knowing about the entire mind?" 

"Yeah." 

"I just let them exist and carry on. It takes practice to know what's real and not. And right now I need you to know that nothing bad is going to happen. We're gonna fix things." 

"I'm too tired to do anything. I can't fix this." 

"You can do more than you realize, you just have to get creative. You'll see!" Remus said. He hoped he was right. 


	5. Emotions

This was a little kid's room. He was not some toddler! He was draped over the bed staring at the toy chest and Lego castle. He wanted to break it, kick it and smash it to pieces. He wanted to body slam the toybox and crush the dolls inside to keep them from smiling at him, mocking him with their button eyes. 

He wanted to destroy so much but he also wanted to cry and cuddle anything or anyone. It was so lonely in this room, the King's old playroom where he liked to nap. This was all too much for Patton. 

He shifted his gaze to the ceiling and tried to find joy in the whimsical mural that hadn't faded with time. It was a castle with a small crowd of people in front of it, all happily crowding around a boy in a purple cape with a crown. The king was so happy with a young Patton and a young Janus hugging him. Tiny Virgil was shyly hanging out a short distance away, and near the castle, a young Logan was smiling at the scene. Patton snarled and grabbed a pillow to throw at the image. 

Janus was supposed to be the deceptive one! It had to have been Janus, but Janus wasn't good at mimicking anyone else! Patton had gone looking for Roman and Virgil. Logan had told him that they were probably struggling with Remus. Logan had told him this was for Thomas' own good before locking him in. 

The memory of the betrayal was enough to make Patton scream. And he screamed at the top of his lungs, flinging himself to his feet. He paced around the small room and pulled at his hair. He let this happen. He let it get so bad because of his stupid naivety! Maybe he was just some dumb kid. 

The dark eyeliner around his bright eyes and the long-sleeve, striped shirt under his black, short-sleeve button-down certainly proved that point. He didn't care that his khakis were tight jeans or that his hair was shaggier and darker. He was too busy trying to manage all his feelings. 

Betrayal

Anger

Sadness

Confusion

Patton hadn't been this much of a mess in twelve or so years! He swore if he spoke his voice would crack and he would break out with the most irritating acne. He would probably start worrying about homework and getting ready for college again, despite being in his early thirties. It was so unfair and he hated it. 

He kicked a soccer ball that was on the floor and huffed, pulling a black cat hoodie from his shoulders and putting it on. Maybe with some music he could break down the door with his fists and rage. 

He pulled his earbuds and phone from his pocket and put on some A Day to Remember—no other band on his phone could capture the betrayal and rage he felt because of a so-called friend. It was perfect.

With a roll of his neck, Patton gauged his target and charged, slamming into the wood with a loud thump. He jumped back and swung his fists, screeching with each perfectly landed punch. It didn't matter if his vision was wet as long as he kept hitting the door. It was cathartic if nothing else. 

The door swung open as he threw another punch. 

"Hngh!" Virgil whined and gingerly rubbed his cheek. Patton had a solid left hook! Patton's arms went limp just after pulling out his earbuds. Virge was in Remus' arms and Roman was emerging from the other side of the door, rubbing his forehead. They looked different but they were still his friends—and Remus who he struggled to find common ground with. 

"You okay, Scare Bear?" Remus asked and gently turned Virgil's head to get a better look at his cheek. That was going to be a nasty bruise! He conjured an ice pack for him and looked to a shocked emo dad. 

"Virgil?!" Patton yelped after a beat of silence, "Oh god are you alright?! I'm sorry I didn't mean to—where did you?—how did you?" 

"We escaped. The loud banging was a fantastic hint as was the door to the face," Roman huffed and adjusted his crown. Patton scowled at him. He didn't push the door and he was not about to be accused. 

"Oh spare me the glare, Padre," Roman huffed, "These things happen and now you're free to make your escape with the two most capable sides and Virgil." 

"What the hell makes you and Remus the most capable?" He questioned and crossed his arms. 

"Pat, we built this place. As the king. We know our way around," Remus cut in, "That's it, no matter what Ro says." He shot Roman a death glare to keep his mouth shut. His Maj-ass-ty was not going to piss off the really scary emo. 

"So I have to go with a poser, a prick, and a perv to be free?" 

"Better to be a poser than a complete burden," Virgil shrugged, "Oh wait I am—." 

"I will physically fight you if you even try to say anything bad about my best friend!" Patton snapped. 

"But you just—" 

"I know!" Patton barked and sighed, "I know and I'm sorry. I'm not used to this and I spoke out of bitterness. You shouldn't have been the target, Virge." 

"Just Virgil?!" Roman gasped, offended. 

"No. I was just talking directly to him. I'm not sure if I want to take back what I said about you and Remus." 

"I am a little perv, Ro-hoe!" Remus teased, "That's why I always put doors in wrong! You're in your underwear and you want to close the door? You have to go in the hallway! And then I might see you!" 

"Don't bullshit me, you put them in wrong so you would have more space in the room!" 

"Yeah you are a prick!" Remus laughed, "Patton is finally being brutally honest!" 

"What's that supposed to mean!?" Patton snapped. Virge let out a whine before the tension built up. He was not emotionally stable enough for this. 

"Let's go get Jay," Remus sighed, "We can trash talk once we're back in the main mindscape." 

"Who made you the leader?" Roman and Patton scoffed at the same time. Remus shrugged, careful not to jostle Virgil too much. 

"Virgil did when he didn't want anyone else carrying him, and I guess I did since I've been the one who escaped and busted you out! But we don't need a leader, we need to get a snake and then the nerd." Remus droned. Virge curled into himself and Patton and Roman ceded. It really sucked that Remus was right.


	6. Reunion

Janus reluctantly lounged on his bed, staring at the suit jacket on the end. He wanted to go back in the bath but he wasn’t in the right state of mind to refill the tub. He knew that he had responsibilities to Thomas that he had to fulfill, but he couldn't bring himself to actually get up and do that. His job was to preserve the self and yet all he could bring himself to do was relax and pamper himself, as if Thomas were solely focused on work. 

"Janicus!" Remus' voice rang out through the door, making the snake sigh. So the duke finally decided to indulge him? Excellent. 

"Do come in, I'm decent!"  _ For now _ . Janus hummed and adjusted the sleeves on his silk shirt. The door swung open, bathing him in light, blocked by one figure. 

"If you were decent you would be getting up and coming with us!" Patton growled, "Thomas needs his self-preservation!" 

"You escaped," he mused and looked over the new emo. There was a certain charm to the forcefulness coming from Patton's stance, "And you would rather spend time fighting back than spending time with me in my den of luxury?" 

"Duh! Listen to yourself you lazy lion! You're denying Thomas!" 

"Lion?" Janus purred and rolled on his side seductively, "I  _ am _ the king of this jungle, and I am in dire need of a fiery queen." He threw in a wink that had Patton blushing and fuming. He was so close to lashing out and dragging that pretty little serpent out of the room. But he got pushed aside. 

"A queen who has the nerve to berate you?" Roman said as he strode into the room to the bed, pushing Patton back into the hallway, "Why ever would an ethereal being such as yourself stoop below your standard?" 

"And you know of someone more suitable, Roman?" Janus teased and brought his hand to his chin coyly. Roman grinned wolfishly and bowed, taking that hand and bringing it to his lips. 

"I, my sumptuous serpent, am far more worthy of your affections. Who else would treat you like the sublime being you are? Who else could worship the gem that is you with as much passion, glorify your splendor from your frame to your very breathing?" 

"And would you carry me off into the sunset, to worship and treasure me like I deserve?" 

"If you wish it, your feet would never have to touch the ground again. I would carry you forever, to the ends of the earth and back, showing off the treasure that found his way into my arms," Roman murmured and kissed his knuckles again. 

"Such a charming king," Janus purred and grabbed his jacket. He pulled it on and wrapped his arms around Roman's neck. 

"Take me with you, and then take me, my king." 

Roman beamed and scooped him up, cradling him like the most precious artifact. He casually strode to the exit, smugly aware that no one else could get Janus to willingly leave. 

They emerged in the hallway to find Remus carrying Virgil on his back and Patton bitterly muttering to the limp emo. Remus caught sight of them and smirked. 

"Still Prince Charming, I see!" he jeered. Roman scoffed and stuck his nose in the air. 

"That's 'King Charming' to you!" 

"Just like Shrek," Virgil mumbled into Remus' shoulder, getting Patton and Remus to snicker. Roman fumed and went red. 

"I will have you know, I am far more capable than that animated amateur!" he snapped, "And I know how to treat the things and people with value." 

"Let the sad boy make the jokes, Ro," Remus said, "He needs the good laughs right now. With the shit he's dealing with, I'm surprised he said it and not Papa Roach!" Patton smiled softly at the nickname and the praise. It was a good joke, so yes, it was praise. 

"Leave my knight in platinum armor be," Janus cut in, "he's mine to torment." Roman glanced down at him and half-smiled.

"My dearest treasure, only when I am without your radiance am I tormented!" Roman gasped. Virgil and Remus made retching sounds at the display. 

"At least Roman doesn't deny himself of getting what he wants," Janus retorted, "someone of his high stature has no need to hide behind fear of rejection. I know I wouldn't reject such a man." 

"Are you done yet? It's too cute and we need to get a move on!" Patton whined with watery eyes, "You might be happy but the rest of us aren't." Virgil reached out and patted his head gently. Patton was a touch-oriented guy but as a teenager he was hesitant and just as moody. 

"Ro, you have to avenge your honor. You can't rescue the damsel without beating the baddie!" Remus said with a lilt in his voice. 

"Fine," Janus droned, "I'll hold back on giving my hero his due reward. As long as it keeps Patton from crying—it's such a damper on my tranquility!" 

"I don't bend to the whims of a crybaby—" 

"Hey!" Patton cut Roman off.

"—however, my vengeance is far too important to ignore," the king sighed and walked away with his damsel. Patton fumed while Remus and Virgil wilted. 

"I'll show you a crybaby you pompous jerk!" Patton huffed and followed them. 

"You hanging in there, Scare Bear?" Remus asked Virgil when the others were too far away to hear him. 

_ Strangle him! Watch the life drain from his body and then use his corpse as a— _

"Barely. Thoughts bad." 

"Yeah, they can be brutal, but you're still holding on and you can tell me what crosses your mind if you want. It might help rather than bottling it." 

"Thanks. Not now. We gotta get back." 

"Alrighty, just let me know if you get any necrophiliac kinds of thoughts! That's how I figured out my crush!" 

"You have a crush?" 

"I'll tell you all about it when we get back!" Remus giggled, "For now, let's catch up with the diva, the douche, and the dork!" Virgil nuzzled into his shoulder and nodded. Remus grinned and set off. 


	7. Logarithms

Remus reached the top of the stairs and found the other three standing in front of a large oak door. Patton was trying in vain to open it, pulling on the handle with both hands and a foot on the wall. Roman watched him with Janus, who was still in his arms.

"It won't budge!" Patton snarled and went limp, bringing his foot to the ground. Roman scoffed, ready to deliver a scathing comment.

"Darling, don't fret, this set back is a chance for us to get closer," Janus purred and ran his hand down Roman's cheek.

"My dearest—"

"Okay, kids, not in front of the emo!" Remus said and moved past them to the door in question.

It was one of his but something was off. The handle wasn't the usual tentacle design and there was a faint bump in the wood crossing from the odd handle to the doorframe. He wouldn't put it past the nerd to set a few traps. He conjured a pair of kitchen gloves on his hands and rolled his neck.

"Hey, Papa Roach," he said and shifted the human sloth into his arms, "Hold this for a sec!" Patton squeaked when Remus tossed Virgil into his arms.

"What the—?"

Patton's jaw dropped as Remus grabbed the handle and ripped it off with a scream, letting a charge of bright blue electricity bolt and zap from the hole he created up his arm. He lifted off the ground and jolted, showing off his skeleton like some old cartoon before his feet hit the ground.

"Holy shit!" Janus yelped and clung to Roman. Virgil lolled his head and stared at Remus with a blank expression.

"Bill Kaulitz, shocking," he mumbled while staring at Remus' hair. It was standing on end but in cool spikes. Remus blinked twice and laughed.

"Even now you're the funny one!"

"How come you didn't just make the door open or disappear?" Patton asked concernedly, "And why did you electrocute yourself?"

"I electrocute myself all the time! For fun!" Remus shrugged, "and I can't really do much as Creativity right now, neither can Ro."

"Logan's doing, I assume," Janus hummed. It brought a growl out of Roman that made him shiver.

"That fiend! When I get my hands on him for whatever he did to cause such a horrible fate—"

"Dampening device," Virgil cut him off, "it's just like the one he made me for the bad days when I was close to panicking."

"So it's your fault he has that tech!?" Patton snapped with tears in his eyes. Virgil flinched, expecting the worst.

"Have you no shame?" Roman scoffed, "Blaming a damsel, another victim, for the crimes another has committed!"

"I—I—" Patton stammered in horror.

"Easy Ro. He's pure emotions, he blurts things out without thinking," Remus cut in and took Virgil from Patton before either of them started crying or shrinking into themselves too much.

"I didn't mean it," Patton whimpered and rubbed his eyes.

"I know," Virgil said and curled into Remus, "I know and it's okay, I'm okay." Patton offered a meek smile while Janus bit back a surge of bile in his throat.

"Okay!" Remus cheered, "I didn't get zapped just to stand around! Let's go!"

He kicked the singed door in and trotted into the darkness that would lead to the next room. Roman and Patton followed him, letting him set off any more traps. There weren't any, fortunately. There was only a dark room. And he really did not like that.

" _Oh I wasn't expecting you so soon._ " A disembodied, robotic voice greeted them as the lights suddenly turned on.

Virgil hissed and covered his eyes, Remus winced, and Janus hid his face with his hat. Roman and Patton glared at the white, metallic walls, searching for the source of the voice.

" _No matter. There's merit to being ahead of schedule._ "

"Schedule?" Roman questioned, "And who's schedule are we forcibly following?"

" _You always did ask stupid questions. Pay attention, because I don't want to explain it more than once._ "

"Hey! There's no need to be mean!" Patton huffed and stamped his foot.

" _That was a mere fact. Try not to let your emotions cloud your judgement during testing._ "

"How about you tell us what's next on the itinerary instead, Logan," Janus groaned, "You're cutting into my time with my king."

" _How tactful. And by that I mean 'rude,'_ " the robo nerd droned, " _You will be allowed access to the control center after you undergo a few tests._ "

"Is there cake too?" Virgil scoffed to himself, mostly. Remus giggled softly and resisted the urge to high-five the tired emo.

"We'll only play along for the finest confections," Janus added, completely oblivious to the joke, "None of your Twinkies, such as myself. Not when these boys deserve a proper banquet."

Virgil and Remus shared a knowing look and cringed as static erupted through the airwaves.

" _Of course there will be cake. Tomorrow is Virgil's birthday._ "

Janus' stomach churned.

"No it isn't. Since when do you care about birthdays?!" Patton shouted. He kept up with the date and he was on top of those birthdays!

" _Oh I'm sorry, as the side who manages the calendar and schedule I must be completely out of touch. Keep your emotions in check if you want to return to your primary functions._ "

Patton steeled his jaw and growled indignantly. Roman set Janus on his feet and pulled Patton to his side. No one dared insult his friends and expect to get away with it!

" _Now then, if you are prepared for your next test, proceed to the door at the end of the room. And watch your step. The last batch of test subjects lost control of their lower abdominal muscles._ "

"Who were these last test subjects?" Virgil asked suspiciously.

" _Irrelevant. Proceed to the exit,_ " loga n snapped. Remus shrugged and walked to the door that appeared on the other side of the room. He didn't care if he stepped in poop.

He was more concerned about what was on the other side.


	8. Yo-Yo

When he entered the room, Patton knew they were in trouble. Remus was holding Virgil to his chest, staring at the scene before him in shock. There was a gigantic pit in the middle of the room keeping them from reaching the exit. Not only did it ruin the aesthetic of the room, lined with Grecian columns, it was full of metal spikes. 

"Well shit," he grumbled, catching Remus' attention. 

"Do you have a really long yo-yo?" he asked as Roman and Janus entered. 

"A yo-yo?" Patton parroted and tilted his head, "Why?" 

"Because he needs a stim toy to think," Janus hummed and cuddled closer to Roman. Remus sneered and shook his head. 

"With a yo-yo I can get a better idea of how long that gap is. Everything is too quiet for me to need something else to focus." 

"Why not throw Virgil over? He's a spider, he could make a web and bring us over," Roman suggested. 

"Good idea—" Virgil mumbled, making Roman preen, "—but I don't have the energy for that." 

"And I don't want to throw him! What if I throw him too hard and he hits the wall? What if I accidentally throw him into the spike pit!?" Remus snarled. Roman glowered right back at him.

"Acupuncture that'll get rid of your biggest pain in the neck," Virgil grumbled.

_The spikes skewering his body, blood oozing out of the wounds and trickling to the floor_

"No!" Patton croaked, puffing his neck and cheeks, and followed with a ribbit. All the others stared at him in shock. They didn't forget he was a frog, did they? 

"Patton," Remus said with a mischievous smile, "How long is your tongue?" 

"Uh, my uh—huh?" Patton stammered and stepped back away from the mustachioed man. Remus set Virge on his feet and moved closer, grabbing Patton's shoulders. 

"How long is your tongue? If you can get it across the gap we can use it as a measurement," Remus explained with a bright grin. Patton's eyes went wide and a smile fought its way onto his face. 

"I can stretch it a good thirty feet at most if there's something to catch."

"Perfect!" Remus cheered and ushered Patton to the edge of the pit, standing at his side. It was deeper than expected, and Patton couldn't stand to look down and lose his nerve—not when everyone needed him. 

"What kind of juicy morsel do you need to lick the other side?" Remus asked, leaning in but not tearing his gaze from salvation.

"Gummy butterflies, or crickets," Patton answered, already salivating at the thought of either treat. 

"Roman!" Remus shouted and whirled around, "Conjure up a gummy butterfly that can float on the other side!" 

"Me?" Roman scoffed, "I'm occupied with this temptation in my arms! Why don't you do it?" 

"I can't do sweet and sugary! Besides, I want to see you show off your skills! You're amazing!" Remus argued with a pout. He knew what made Roman tic, in both good and bad ways. This was bound to work! 

Janus slid from the king's grasp and settled on his own feet. He smiled at Roman sweetly and nodded. Roman returned the gesture and focused on the other side of the gap. With a wave of his hand, a piece of candy appeared, floating at mouth-level with Patton. 

**_Crack_ **

Patton puffed his cheeks sheepishly once his tongue was back in his mouth. He had his candy and everyone's attention. 

"That was hot!" Remus giggled, "So how far is it?" 

"Uh," Patton paused to chew and swallow his snack, "About twenty to twenty-five feet. Too far for you guys to jump." 

"So we need a bridge. Hmm," Remus hummed and tapped his chin. He paced and studied the room, looking for something long enough and sturdy enough for them to walk across. 

"Oh no, this simply will not do!" Janus gasped, examining one of the pillars. Remus looked over and spotted him, staring at a giant crack that encircled the entire pillar near the ceiling. He remembered slamming into it as a kid while running from Roman. The whole building quaked from that blow! 

“Fret not, my dearest viper—” Roman said, coming to Janus’ side. His thought was cut short, however, when Remus rammed into the pillar with a running start. Virgil just stared at him as he paced back and charged again, slamming his entire body weight into the column again, making it shake.

“Remus, what on earth—?" 

“Help me knock this over, Princey!” Remus huffed and shook his head to alleviate some dizziness, “Gotta make a bridge!”

"A bridge?" Roman hummed and tapped his chin, unaware that Janus had left his side to the safety of the doorframe, "And you think that would knock it over? Remus, please!" 

"You got a better idea?" Remus huffed. Roman smirked and shook his head condescendingly. 

"But of course!" he said and held his hand over his head. Patton's eyes went wide as a swirling disk of flames appeared above Roman's hand. He panicked and leapt to the other side of the gap, in true frog fashion. Virgil blinked away some exhaustion. 

"Watch and learn, little brother," Roman jeered and tossed the disk at the pillar. He guided it with a wave of his hand and sliced through the solid marble at an angle. Another flick of the wrist had the disk shoot up and slice through the column again before returning to Roman, who made it disappear smugly.

"You do have a yo-yo!" Remus whined, ”Why didn't you say something?!" 

"A yo-yo!?" Roman snapped, "are you mad!? Are you blind!?" he slammed his fist against the wall, "A tool of that level of sophistication and artistry is far beyond a mere—" 

"Virgil!" Janus shrieked as the broken pillar fell, headed straight for the slumped over emo at an alarming speed. 

Janus ran to push him out of the way as Roman and Remus scrambled to slow or stop the slab from falling. 

But it was too late. 

"Holy shit!" Patton gawked at the scene. Virgil was just standing there, blasé as ever, holding the marble column over his head with both hands. 

"Did you two even think about what you were going to do after this was loose?" Janus snapped, pressing a hand to his racing heart. 

Virgil stood up a little taller and tossed the fallen pillar like it were made of styrofoam, letting it land with a thud over the gap.

"That's the Scare Bear I know!" Remus cheered, "Let's go!" 

"Answer my question!" Janus ordered. 

"You're looking at a couple of himbos, and you really think either of us thinks things through?!" Remus laughed, "Ad lib Snakey!" 

Janus rolled his eyes while Roman bristled. He stormed off, crossing the bridge to get to Patton, the only other seemingly sane side of them all. 

Roman hurried after him, not wanting to be near Remus after such a sleight. Remus didn't mind! He moseyed over to Virgil wearing a bright grin. 

"Still need me to carry you?" 

"Yeah," Virge wilted, "especially if it keeps you from dropping giant rocks on me." Remus giggled and scooped him up. 

_Remus crushing him under a rock, singing and dancing around it as his ribs crack and blood spurts out of his nose_

"No promises!" he said, "But you did good and now we can get across and get everyone back to normal!"

“If normal means Princey’ll sing extra Disney, Janus’ll be a shady bitch, and Patton won’t steal my look, yeah.”

_Rip his heart out with your teeth and eat it raw_

“And it’ll get rid of your fun visiting ideas!” Remus added as Virgil flinched, “Who knows, we might even fix Dorkubus Prime!” He hopped onto the bridge without another word and hummed as he joined the others. Virgil remained silent, a new unease settling in his gut.


	9. Violet

As they entered the next chamber, Roman and Patton immediately moved closer to each other. They could hardly see in the dark room. Janus was perfectly fine, studying the traps they couldn't see. 

"He's clever, I'll give him that," Janus huffed, "Tasteless and crude, but clever." 

"What are you talking about?" Patton pouted, not commenting on how Roman was clinging to him. Janus glanced over his shoulder and smirked at the pair, cuddled together for protection. 

"Simply that there's a web of deadly lasers between here and the exit, and he completely destroyed the floor." 

"He did what?!" Roman and Remus shouted as Remus entered the room with Virgil. Remus set Virgil down and marched up to Janus, ready to fight a bitch. 

"Jay!" he groaned, "He switched to boring tiles! Don't scare me like that!" 

"He did what!?" Roman snapped, his cheeks and hair glowing faintly.

"How are you seeing any of this?!" Patton cut in. 

"We can see more light than you guys," Virgil grumbled, "it's all ultraviolet light in here. I don't wanna know how Logan managed it." 

"You guys can't see?" Remus gawked, "Damn it's gotta be so boring upstairs!" 

"It's not! Just because we can't see the same stuff as you doesn't mean it's boring!" Patton argued and clung to Roman for comfort. 

"Pattoncake is proof of that," Virgil mumbled and curled into himself. 

"Pattoncake? Is that just patty cake?" 

"It's a game I made up," Patton answered, "and it's not like patty cake. It's got a lot of stuff patty cake doesn't. There's goggles and tennis rackets and tuna." 

"And candle wax," Virgil added and flinched.

_ Hot wax dripping onto Remus' exposed chest _

"Sounds like my kind of game!" Remus laughed and glanced around the room again, "We are definitely playing once we get back! But first—" He set Virgil on his feet and crouched next to Janus. 

The web of lasers was invisible to Roman and Patton, and as far as Remus knew, Logan. Yet here he was, staring at a bunch of crisscrossing beams that shouldn't exist. That is to say, there shouldn't have been so many. Remus followed the lasers with his eyes and found that there was only one direct source near the exit and several intricately placed mirrors. 

"These have to be at least UV-C light," Janus muttered, staring out across the room, "Terrible for your skin. I should be backing out of this room immediately." 

"So snatching one of the mirrors is a no. Damn," Remus pouted and eyed Janus thoughtfully. 

"What?" 

"You don't happen to have a compact on you?" 

"No. I only have some chocolate and my hat," Janus sighed, "I see where you're going with this but it's not going to work." 

"Damn. And I can't just throw you guys through the one hole in the web—the aiming is easy, but getting the throwing right won't be a piece of cake—" 

Remus paused and stood up. He had an idea just crazy enough to work!

"Patton!" Remus shouted, loudly enough to have the bespectacled side leap into Roman's arms with a yelp. Virgil went rigid, but Remus was focused on other things.

"You said your game has tuna, do you have a can of tuna in your inventory?" 

"Yeah," Patton said warily and pulled a can of tuna from his hoodie pocket, "Why?" Remus snatched the can from his hand and stormed over to Janus without another word. 

"Hey!" Patton yelped, but Remus wasn't listening. He crouched next to Janus with a bright grin. 

"Okay Monty, gimme some basic bitch chocolate!" 

"Magic word?" 

"Please!" Remus cooed and loosened his shirt, "And I'll do whatever you want me to!" Janus' eyes trailed over the bit of exposed skin as he considered that offer. He could think of a few things he wanted Remus to do. 

"I'm holding you to it," Janus hummed and handed him a piece of candy–a cheap kiss–and winked. Remus kissed his forehead and got to work unwrapping the chocolate. 

Virgil inched closer and knelt beside him. He had to see what Remus was up to. He wasn't exactly surprised to see Remus rubbing the candy on the bottom of the can, polishing it. Who needed a mirror? 

"You're a mad genius," he said softly, making Remus preen. 

"Mad as a hatter, Emoraptor!" he hummed and inspected his work. The can was shiny and ready to go! He booped Virgil's nose, smearing the last of the candy on it and somersaulted into the web of certain doom. 

Janus and Virge watched him with bated breath. He was so graceful, evading the lasers with precision and finesse, weaving his way to the conduit with ease. 

"Bitch I am Kim Possible!" Remus cackled and crouched next to the conduit. He was so careful, lowering the tuna can at an angle so that he wouldn't get burned. 

The can reflected the beam onto the ground as planned. Remus slowly twisted his wrist, watching as the laser rose, hissing as it hit the conduit. The sparks that flew just before the lights vanished brought a proud twinkle to his eye. 

"Great, now no one can see!" Janus groaned and stood. Remus twisted his mustache and hummed in thought. There was definitely a way to bring some light to the area. 

"That's Roman's fault!" Remus shouted, "Mr. Hero here's supposed to be the one saving you and what's he doing? Cowering like a hatchling!" 

"Why you—!" Roman snarled. Patton yelped and jolted away from him as flames consumed his entire body. The glow emitting from him wasn't the most brilliant but it certainly was enough to brighten the room. 

He stole forward, set on throttling his little brother for such an underhanded sleight on his honor. What he didn't realize was that the other three were trailing behind him closely. 

"There we go!" Remus cheered as Roman grabbed him by the shirt. Roman growled and shook him like a ragdoll.

“What are you playing at, you scoundrel?!” he barked. Remus smiled at him and shrugged.

“Just that you got everyone across safely, look!” he giggled and nodded toward the trio standing behind Roman, albeit at a safe distance. Roman glanced back at them, at their wary faces, and took a deep breath, extinguishing the majority of his flames, except on his head.

“Attaboy Phoenix Righteous! Now let’s get you some sweet, sweet vengeance!”

Roman dropped Remus and marched toward the door, not bothering to glance back when he said, “Try that stunt again and I will be sure to end you, mark my words.” Remus shrugged and guided the others to the exit, not sure what would be in store next.


	10. Colors

The next room wasn't nearly as blinding as the first, but it still hurt his eyes. Virgil didn't like all the running around and he hated the hoops they were jumping through just to get back to normal. It was as if these stupid tests were supposed to kill them all. 

_ A flash of a clear image. All of their corpses mangled and filled with machinery _

Virgil shuddered at the thought and sank into the arm that wrapped around him comfortingly. He glanced back at Patton and offered a weak smile. It didn't do much to ease the worry written across his face, but it didn't make it worse. 

" _ Oh. It seems you survived both chambers. How interesting _ ," the robo nerd droned, " _I'm surprised that all of you made it_ ." 

"And what is that supposed to mean?!" Roman snarled, glaring at the ceiling since he couldn't find the source of the voice. Remus, who was right next to him, licked his fingers and put out the last piece of his hair that was still on fire. 

"It means someone was supposed to get stuck, sent back, or worse," Remus answered before that annoying crackling sound could fill the air. 

"Who would he expect to send back!?" 

" _Janus and Virgil. But clearly my data did not line up._ " 

"Me?" Janus scoffed and wrapped his arms around Roman's bicep, "As if I could bear to leave my king's side!" 

" _And what's your excuse Virgil?_ "

"I'm still looking for a portal gun," he droned, disinterested in the tone of that question, "and cake." 

_ The twins have cakes worth biting… _  
_ Not the time. _

There was a long pause as logan tried to process Virgil's quips. Since he didn't fully understand right away, with that alienware core processor, Virgil and the others assumed he was as clueless as Janus in this regard.

" _I cannot tell if you are making a reference to something or you are completely delirious from the effects of your isolation and the intrusive thoughts._ " 

"I haven't started talking to boxes so, you tell me," he scoffed and crossed his arms. Patton pulled him into a side hug and glared at the ceiling. 

"Are you done picking on us? Pretty sure you have some rigged tests we need to solve!" Patton growled. No one made his best friend feel like an idiot or worthless! Not even his best friend!

" _You must keep your emotions in check if you wish to proceed._ " log a n scoffed, irritating Patton further, " _ However, you are correct, there are more tests and I have a schedule to keep."  _

"Then why don't you get back on track instead of taunting us. You're here so you obviously have something to say about this one!" Patton shot back coldly. 

" _This next test will require you to use your short term memory. Note the black line Remus is standing on_ ," log a n droned, " _Beyond that point the grid will light up. Certain colors will be dangerous to you, others will not_ ." 

"I have a feeling we're gonna have a bad time," Virgil mumbled under his breath. 

" _Red tiles are impassible. Yellow tiles are electric, ergo impassible. Green tiles are alarm tiles, and if you step on them, you will have to combat one of the twins' rejected monsters—_ "

"Holy fuck," Virgil scoffed and shoved his hands in his pockets. He couldn't let this one go.

"How could any of my king's creations be considered monstrous!?" Janus hissed and held Roman tighter. 

"They're probably mine," Remus shrugged, "So we'll be safe—unless you call my babies monsters."

" _—Orange tiles make you smell like oranges. Blue tiles are water tiles, which are electrified when adjacent to yellow tiles and are full of piranhas that like oranges; if you're orange scented, you could very possibly be maimed._ " 

"Did he just say 'maimed?'" Patton yelped and chewed on his thumbnail. Virgil patted his shoulder and nodded solemnly. 

"Not if I defeat them first! Fear not, Moody Blues!" Roman reassured him in the most viscous manner possible.

" _ Purple tiles are slippery; you'll go right through them to the next tile. The lemon-scented soap from said tiles will wash away your orange smell; piranhas do not like lemon scent. Pink tiles do nothing. All of the colors will appear in a random sequence _ ." 

"Can you repeat that?" Remus gawked. 

" _ I am capable of that. Any other questions before you begin _ ?" logan droned, making Remus pout. 

"Is the next test gonna have spaghetti?" Virgil grumbled, getting a snicker out of Patton. 

" _No_ ."

"Damn, he doesn't even have spaghetti! What about Junior Jumble or something hard like a crossword?" 

"What are you talking about, Virgil?" Roman groaned and ran a hand down his face. The Remus-style inanity was taking hold of him!

" _ Virgil cease and desist. Your ramblings are on par with Remus and I will not hesitate to send you back for further stasis _ ." 

"So you didn't upload a humor software. Good to know there's not a funny bone in your body," Virgil jeered and shrugged, flashing Janus and Remus a wink. Remus bit his lip to stifle his laughter, swearing that he saw Virgil's open eye glow light blue. Janus sighed and rolled his eyes. He had no idea what was happening, but Patton and Remus were trying to keep their giggles contained, so it was clearly not Virgil losing it.

" _Your test will begin momentarily. Any other questions before I step back?_ " 

"Are we gonna have to fight a badass fish lady and her tiny lizard girlfriend who's too shy to ask her out?" Patton grinned. Virgil snorted and nudged him with his elbow.

"Or a robot possessed by a ghost with some sexy sexy legs and a flair for the dramatic?" Remus added with a shimmy. Virgil had to cover his mouth with both hands to fight off the giggles. 

" _No. It is clear that the only way to stop this senseless drivel is a distraction_ ." logan scoffed, static hissing between his words. 

"A distraction?" Roman parroted irately.

" _Initiating test protocol in 3...2...1_ ."

The sides gathered at the line as the floor lit up. Bright colors flashed before them. They kept changing and changing, picking up speed at a dizzying pace. Janus was sure he was going to vomit. 

And then

the entire floor glowed pink. 

" _WHAT!?_ " 

"It's important to check your source material, Lolo!" Remus cackled and skipped across to the exit. Virgil clicked his tongue and leaned on Patton, letting him lead the way. Janus clung to Roman and flipped off the room, just to be sure the nerd saw it. Roman happily toted him across, laughing at the utter failure of a test. They wouldn't be celebrating long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wish I were sorry for the Undertale references but I'm not


End file.
